I'm So Much Cooler Online

Lets just say that many of the guys on eHarmony are… strange.

As I mentioned before, 2 of my friends also started eHarmony accounts. Kelly and Dana both agreed with me that there was no way that we would ever pay for eHarmony. Now we have already discussed how that ended for me (It wasn't worth my time without the pictures!!!). When I told Kelly that I had paid for a subscription, I'm pretty sure that she thought I was crazy. Fast forward a few days.... and she bought the subscription too. Good choice Kelly.

As for Dana, she's still holding out. And missing out.

So here are some excerpts from the profiles of the guys we have been matched with. I'm sure there will be many more, and I will be sure to add those as we get them. And so, here we go.

I apologize if you are/know one of these guys that we are quoting. If so... please get them help.

Jenn's Matches:

• From a pilot. In his "what you are looking for in a partner" section: “also one important quality that is important to me, and it's weird, is my mates genetics. i really want to pass on blue eyes to my kids so i need a girl with blue eyes if at all possible. and i love both brown hair and blond, so the type of hair and color isn't all that important. but also genetic body type is a point of interest to me... don't worry i'm not weird, i try my best to be an average, normal male.” (First of all, he doesn't capitalize anything. Which is super annoying. Secondly... he apparently is looking for an incubator for his blue-eyed children, and nothing more. And he has to "try" his best to be a normal male??? Well, he's not doing a very good job. Match closed.)

• “I often feel awkward around people.” (I think this speaks for itself. We now know why you are on eHarmony.)

• “Profession: Accounting” (ok, so this is not so much a statement about themselves. But it still causes me to close the match immediately. So boring!)

Kelly's Matches: (I have added some of my own comments in parentheses after)

• "My number one passion is politics." (I also have read this wayyyyyy to many times. Seriously??? It's your number one passion???)
• "I sometimes can't tell when people are joking."
• Occupation: "I'm not working right now." (I have also gotten "unemployed," "nothing," and my personal favorite, "I sit around.")
• Something that only your best friend knows: "That I'm on eHarmony." (almost every other guy writes this. Soooooo uncreative!)
• And from the guy who lists sex as one of the things he can't live without (um, this is a dating website, designed to find someone that you are compatible with for various reasons, NOT to find your next booty call.) 1) Three things you are most thankful for: "I am most thankful that the good Lord put women on this earth." 2) The first thing people notice about you: "My openness and my great body odor." (You've got to be kidding me. That's just disgusting!)
• “…I love the outdoors, and would prefer a someone who could be my wingman on the trail, a woman who wouldn’t only be the love of my life, but my best friend. Someone strong, and upright who could be my counsel yet still comfortable with me cherishing her as a “ewe lamb.” (A “EWE LAMB” ???? What the heck. Never date this guy.)

And finally, if this is your profile picture, You have serious issues:

If you know this person (or are this person...) I apologize. Maybe this is attractive to some ladies. But if the best picture you can find to post on your profile is a cell phone pic you took in the mirror, of you showing off your grills... that says something about you. And honestly, I'm still not completely sure what it is.

One from Dana's match:

• “I’m fascinated with lights (I guess I ‘collect’ flashlights…weird, I know…and would love to go to Vegas just to see all the lights!)”

So, there you go. As I said, there are many more. It definitely shows why these people are on eHarmony. And I have a feeling that they won't have much success there either.